Mild Umbrage

"Seat Safety Switch" (seat-safety-switch) 06/18/2015 at 20:51 • Filed to: public transit

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I leaned back in my seat, preparing to feel the G-forces as I reached for an invisible shifter. Riding the bus was getting rough.

Ever since the local police department had taken mild umbrage with my concept of cutting my commute time in half by driving over their perfectly manicured lawn, I’d been stuck without a license. And that meant no more fun times with the paddlewheel-tired Mercury Montclair dune buggy that I had fabricated for the unique demands of my high-peformance commute.

The driver lurched on acceleration - the coward has weak throttle control, I swore inwardly, use your whole ankle - and then gave up a primo late apex in favour of bogging the engine. This was going to be the longest bus ride of my life.

I looked out the passenger side window, daydreaming about what it would be like to own each of the cars I would see outside. To be normal. To be unafflicted by this ailment that seemed irretrievable from the muck of my soul. That’s when I saw him.

My coworker, Steve “Nipples” Hemingway, in his tan Camry. I had ridden in it to get burritos, once, the massive dashboard, floaty handling and chunky automatic shifter leaving much more of an impact on me than the high-quality sound deadening, affordable feature set and healthy resale value that had sold Steve a credit note on it.

Without warning, the driver pulled jerkily across three lanes of traffic, causing every day commuters to brake with terrible reflexes. I cursed their lack of forward planning, and resolved to open a driving school when the judicial system had completed its circuit of my guilt.

At the next stop, a judge I recognized from traffic court was waiting. I began to flop sweat as I reached into my messenger bag for the print-outs of my persuasive PowerPoint deck. I’d be back in a car any second now.

desertdog5051 > Seat Safety Switch 06/18/2015 at 21:47

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Well done.